[B5JMS] Joe and Harlan at the Movies

Wed Dec 28 04:30:39 EST 2005

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From: Keith Cramer <remarck at hotmail.com>
Date: Mon, 26 Dec 2005 20:22:05 +0000 (UTC)
Lines: 60

Joe,

Harlan sent me.  Well, Harlan sent everyone, really.  There has been a 
thread over on Webderland recently of rude movie behavior, and Harlan 
popped in and said the following:

"Some day, when I get up the proper mind-set to retell the tales, I'll 
ensorcel you with the two best "shutting up people who talk in movies" 
stories in my repertoire of intentional, over-the-top violence in public 
places. Until that time, if you want to enjoy one of those two tales (told 
not nearly as well as I do it) you can go find Joe Straczynski's website 
and ask him. He was part of the brouhaha and is one-third of my living 
proof that I don't make this shit up.

Ta-ta, kiddies. -he"

Keith again.  And of couse rampant speculation ensued, and the thread 
continued.  A day or two later, Harlan posted this:

"MOVIE THEATER AUDIENCE BABBLE REDUX

ANDREW LAUBACHER:

The essay that included the anecdote about the guy yelling at "Leroy" in a 
NYC movie theater years ago was a section of the piece titled "The 3 Most 
Important Things in Life" and, yes, it IS a terrifying, marvelous story, 
available in my book.

You're right.

But you're wrong.

The two experiences to which I obliquely refer are two I've never 
published. They happened TO ME, as opposed to the one you know, at which I 
was merely a huddled, terrified observer.

No, the two most interesting SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I'LL KILL YOU!!
stories of my own personal experience remain shrouded in silence. But, as I 
suggested, you can always go over to Joe Straczynski's gabfest and tell him 
Harlan sent you. I haven't busted Joe's chops soundly since the last time 
we had dinner, all four of us, and I sorta miss the pleasant hiss of steam 
coming outta his ears.

Yr. pal, Harlan"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Keith again:

So, if you are kindly disposed to recall the tale in question, I'm sure all 
will be amused.  If you post it here, I'll copy and paste it over on 
Webderland, verbatim.

Thanks for your consideration.  And thanks for B5.  

-Keith Cramer

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From: jmsatb5 at aol.com
Date: Tue, 27 Dec 2005 00:46:58 +0000 (UTC)
Lines: 71

Keith Cramer wrote:
> Joe,
>
> Harlan sent me.  Well, Harlan sent everyone, really.  There has been a
> thread over on Webderland recently of rude movie behavior, and Harlan
> popped in and said the following:
>
> "Some day, when I get up the proper mind-set to retell the tales, I'll
> ensorcel you with the two best "shutting up people who talk in movies"
> stories in my repertoire of intentional, over-the-top violence in public
> places. Until that time, if you want to enjoy one of those two tales (told
> not nearly as well as I do it) you can go find Joe Straczynski's website
> and ask him. He was part of the brouhaha and is one-third of my living
> proof that I don't make this shit up.
>
> Ta-ta, kiddies. -he"
>
> Keith again.  And of couse rampant speculation ensued, and the thread
> continued.  A day or two later, Harlan posted this:
>
>
> "MOVIE THEATER AUDIENCE BABBLE REDUX
>
> ANDREW LAUBACHER:
>
> The essay that included the anecdote about the guy yelling at "Leroy" in a
> NYC movie theater years ago was a section of the piece titled "The 3 Most
> Important Things in Life" and, yes, it IS a terrifying, marvelous story,
> available in my book.
>
> You're right.
>
> But you're wrong.
>
> The two experiences to which I obliquely refer are two I've never
> published. They happened TO ME, as opposed to the one you know, at which I
> was merely a huddled, terrified observer.
>
> No, the two most interesting SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I'LL KILL YOU!!
> stories of my own personal experience remain shrouded in silence. But, as I
> suggested, you can always go over to Joe Straczynski's gabfest and tell him
> Harlan sent you. I haven't busted Joe's chops soundly since the last time
> we had dinner, all four of us, and I sorta miss the pleasant hiss of steam
> coming outta his ears.
>
> Yr. pal, Harlan"
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Keith again:
>
> So, if you are kindly disposed to recall the tale in question, I'm sure all
> will be amused.  If you post it here, I'll copy and paste it over on
> Webderland, verbatim.
>
> Thanks for your consideration.  And thanks for B5.
>
> -Keith Cramer

The problem is...just to tell it *verbally* takes nearly 20 minutes,
it's not something you can sum up in a few paragraphs.  It would be a
fifteen page essay, because it covered a lot of time and permutations.

So my suggestion is that somebody at a convention ask this, so it'll
get voice recorded, and can be made available for anyone who wants to
transcribe it or upload the mp3.

jms

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From: "Joseph DeMartino" <jdemarti at bellsouth.net>
Date: Tue, 27 Dec 2005 03:30:05 +0000 (UTC)
Lines: 18

jmsatb5 at aol.com wrote:

> So my suggestion is that somebody at a convention ask this, so it'll
> get voice recorded, and can be made available for anyone who wants to
> transcribe it or upload the mp3.
>
> jms

The next item for the Joe's Store at CafePress - CD recordings of your
various convention appearances.  I've never had the opportunity to see
you at a con and I would happily pay for the chance to hear what I've
been missing 

Regards, 

Joe

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From: jmsatb5 at aol.com
Date: Tue, 27 Dec 2005 06:00:55 +0000 (UTC)
Lines: 25

Joseph DeMartino wrote:
> jmsatb5 at aol.com wrote:
>
> > So my suggestion is that somebody at a convention ask this, so it'll
> > get voice recorded, and can be made available for anyone who wants to
> > transcribe it or upload the mp3.
> >
> > jms
>
> The next item for the Joe's Store at CafePress - CD recordings of your
> various convention appearances.  I've never had the opportunity to see
> you at a con and I would happily pay for the chance to hear what I've
> been missing
>
> Regards,
>
> Joe

Hold a tin drum up to your ear and bang on it as hard as you can for
about twenty minutes.  The experience is very much the same.

jms

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From: Jon Schild <jjs at aros.net>
Date: Wed, 28 Dec 2005 00:16:21 +0000 (UTC)
Lines: 41

jmsatb5 at aol.com wrote:
> Joseph DeMartino wrote:
> 
>>jmsatb5 at aol.com wrote:
>>
>>
>>>So my suggestion is that somebody at a convention ask this, so it'll
>>>get voice recorded, and can be made available for anyone who wants to
>>>transcribe it or upload the mp3.
>>>
>>>jms
>>
>>The next item for the Joe's Store at CafePress - CD recordings of your
>>various convention appearances.  I've never had the opportunity to see
>>you at a con and I would happily pay for the chance to hear what I've
>>been missing
>>
>>Regards,
>>
>>Joe
> 
> 
> Hold a tin drum up to your ear and bang on it as hard as you can for
> about twenty minutes.  The experience is very much the same.
> 
> jms
> 
> 
You are being much too modest, a characteristic not often attributed to 
writers. I have seen you in person at two worldcons, San Fransisco when 
you showed a couple of unfinished episodes of Babylon 5 before they were 
broadcast, and later in Los Angeles where you had the largest room 
available, but many of us attended the sessions before yours in that 
room just to guarantee a seat.  I would love to have everything you said 
at those two available either on CD or in print.  I must assume I would 
feel the same about the sessions I did not hear.

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From: jmsatb5 at aol.com
Date: Wed, 28 Dec 2005 05:55:05 +0000 (UTC)
Lines: 33

Jon Schild wrote:

> > Hold a tin drum up to your ear and bang on it as hard as you can for
> > about twenty minutes.  The experience is very much the same.
> >
> > jms
> >
> >
> You are being much too modest, a characteristic not often attributed to
> writers. I have seen you in person at two worldcons, San Fransisco when
> you showed a couple of unfinished episodes of Babylon 5 before they were
> broadcast, and later in Los Angeles where you had the largest room
> available, but many of us attended the sessions before yours in that
> room just to guarantee a seat.  I would love to have everything you said
> at those two available either on CD or in print.  I must assume I would
> feel the same about the sessions I did not hear.

I'm somewhere in the middle of the road on this whole issue, actually.
Sometimes I'm okay, sometimes I just suck, and I do talk way too fast,
even for somebody from Jersey.  Which is a trait of nervousness,
because I've never really been big on public speaking.  It's something
that I've *learned* to do, but I've never been *comfortable* doing.

Interestingly, to your point, Shane Shellenbarger has been videotaping
just about every major (and some minor) convention appearance I've ever
made (the unlucky bastard, I'm guessing he lost a bar bet).  That
should be quite a document, if only to use a series of dissolves to
trace the diminuation of the hairline....

jms