[LUGSB] hellooooo?

[Old Skoo]

was up.   who knows if this is an email that u even check often  so we'll find whenever u get it.

so i wanted to just spill a lil cause i needa talk to someone right now and u're not in ur room.  shit's getting weird already here, and i've only been here two days!!!  i'll give u details later but basically it's that she's mad and trynna not take it out on me, but at the same time there's tension cause of shit goigno n w/ her.

anyway imma go so i'll hopefully talk to u later tonight, though i have to anyway cause i gotta see about morrow.   

onna side note, i wanna say two things.  1- i hope that u dont mind me being over so damn much and that if u do, i hope u'd be open enough to tell me cause i dont wanna bother u at all.   and 2- i wanna thank u for letting me stay over so damn much.   ok maybe three things 3- that comment u said about that u're gonna miss me...  that really hit me hard.  i don't think u noticed, or if u did then u didn't say anything, but u had me in slight tears twice that night.  once w/ the comment and...  uh...   i don't remember the other thing, but it was basically when we were talking about friends, keeping friends, having ppl in ur life and blah blah blah.   i said that i dont really care if ppl stay in my life and that i'm used to ppl leaving my life and coming in and out.  i am used to that no doubt.   it's almost like clock work how ppl leave and when.  but what's hard for me to admit is the fact that i do need ppl in my life and u're actually the only person i've admitted that to other than luis... that's something everyone needs in their life and that's something i dont have, and haven't had for...  ever.  the longest anyone's stayed in my life for is 3 yrs, then she stopped being friends  w/ me cause she felt that since she was into grunge music and style and i wasn't, that we couldn't be friends anymore cause we had diff styles!!!   i wrote her a letter saying taht just cause we had diff music and dress styles didn' mean we couldn't get along, but she kept w/ it and bounced.  that was when i was 14, and since then it's stuck w/ me.   after that, no one stayed in my life for long, and then i just stopped getting close to ppl cause i knew they'd leave.  only luis and this kid emanuel have been in my life since i was 12... me and eman have been on and off for yrs and he's in bing now and prolly not coming back and he doesn't keep in touch w/ me anyway.  me and luis have been on and off too for yrs, he's prolly never getting out and that does me no good cause there's only so much of a friendship we can have through paper and pen.  

anyway, the point was that there's a lot u talked about that had me tearing and a lot that i wanted to discuss but i have such a damn hard time talking about it basically cause it hurts.  it's hard for me to talk about anything that has to do w/ friends and my feelings cause that's the hardest thing i have to deal w/ in my life.  guess it's funny how i can talk about all those experiences w/ guys w/ more ease than i can about this.  

so i've made this way too long and i'm sorry about that.  i could just delete it all and not send it, or delete like the past few paragraphs, but once it's out, it's out so here it is.  

see u soon
=o)



"sorrow never spoken is the heaviest load to bear"   ~>  educate, elevate, empower
www.gangstyle.com

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