ATT JMS: personal ? SPOILERS for Walkabout and after

[B5JMS Poster]

Subject: ATT JMS: personal ? SPOILERS for Walkabout and after
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 No. | DATE        |  FROM
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s  1: Nov 14, 1996: jegolf at MCS.COM (J.M.Egolf)
*  2: Nov 15, 1996: jmsatb5 at aol.com

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From: jegolf at MCS.COM (J.M.Egolf)
Lines: 77

Subject: Season 3 & 4 SPOILERS re: JMS's "standing naked in front of
10,000 of his friends"

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SEASON <3 & 4> WARNING: SPOILERS for Walkabout through WEHtMG

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In a recent online chat, you realized just *where* in your psyche the
whole "Walkabout" thing, and Franklin's near-death, was coming from.

If this is too personal a question, you're free to ignore it, but since
you've already brought it up in a public forum:

Are you *still* dealing with this, in Sheridan's situation on Z'ha'dum,
and the decision he has to make? Is this where you get your strength of
will, that you've faced this decision yourself?

(I mean, once you've faced this matter, dealing with Hollywood power
brokers is nothing...)

You've been dealing with the whole issue of finding something worth living
for, rather than something worth dying for, since when, "Infection"? 

I mostly ask since I've reached the point of understanding that "you will
know pain, and you will know fear, and then you will die" is not a threat,
it's The Way Life Is, that pain and fear and death are a *normal* part of
life, and you just have to accept that and deal with it, and move on, and
not let it paralyze you.

At least I'm understanding it *intellectually* ...

... thanks to you, and B5.

(I'm still working on the rest of me <g>)
-- 
*******************************
    J.M. ("Jamie") Egolf
   <*> jegolf at mcs.com <*>
"We find meaning where we can." 






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From: jmsatb5 at aol.com
Lines: 30

"Are you *still* dealing with this, in Sheridan's situation on Z'ha'dum,
and the decision he has to make? Is this where you get your strength of
will, that you've faced this decision yourself?.....You've been dealing
with the whole issue of finding something worth living for, rather than
something worth dying for, since when, "Infection"? "

In retrospect, that was something I probably should not have mentioned,
and would not have, had the thing not just utterly blindsided me in the
middle of the conference.  What got me through the attack, and its
aftermath, those years ago, was sheer unadulterated rage...that I would
not allow them to take my life because I had stories left in me to tell. 
And no matter what, I'd tell those stories.  At first, I'd made my peace
with myself...I'd never gone out of my way to hurt anyone, had helped
where I could, had done some good work...I had a few things on the shelf,
not a lot, but a start...but then I just started to get mad about it, and
pulled myself back from the edge.  

So yeah, in a sense, I've faced that black, implacable wall...and it does
drive you, after a while.  And I do think, to a large degree, I'm still
trying to define myself, to find what it is that's at the center for me,
beyond the work.  But then, I don't think that's terribly special...it
seems to be the standard dilemma in an industrial society.  



 jms




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